we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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