life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
