I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
