Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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