You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
false alarm. still invincible.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
