Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
