oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
