she was so not down for the gang bang
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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