he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
