the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dear god my vagina.
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