There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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