This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
