the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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