he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
