Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
