FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
