My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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