Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
