I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
