are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
