Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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