I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
