There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize