i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
