yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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