Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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