i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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