Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
