she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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