that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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