i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
