we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
