No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
