My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
