It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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