i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
