I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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