I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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