so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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