Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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