the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
