sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
