Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
