:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
