If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
