She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my shit smells like andre
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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