I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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