Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
