Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
