U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I still have a little drunk in my system
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
