He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
