chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
