How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
