I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
