I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
