How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
