I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
