the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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