Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
