Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
