i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
