I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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