Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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