So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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