i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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