So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
handjob tips. give me some.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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