do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You pole danced in your parka.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize