Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
