Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
