i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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