thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
